My answered prayer : It's Narcissistic abuse

 I was on my Sunday walk, when I prayed a prayer that God answered. The way that He works is miraculous. God is indeed so good. Even when He delivers messages to us that we have been too fearful to see.

 Honestly, knowing that the living God sees and hears me, wants relationship with me, cares about me... Its hard to digest. But I know the truth. I know He lives inside of my heart, and I inside of His. I know that He's the one leading me down a path of righteousness. It's all Him.

I know that He's available to all who seek Him. It's not just me, I don't think of myself as the "only one" . I think of myself as the "willing one". 

My prayer, on this particular Sunday was full of sadness, despair, pain. I journalled it:

I prayed to the Lord and I broke down in tears. I felt so sad, lonely, heartbroken, scared, alone, confused, hurt, misunderstood, ignored, left for dead. I cried out to God, asking for help. When I got home from my walk, I opened my phone. My ENTIRE YouTube feed was filled with these videos on domestic violence and narcissistic abuse:

  1. Narcissists vs Abusers
  2. 16 red flags - early warning signs for abusive partners
  3. Inside the minds of domestic abusers
  4. Don't join narcissists death cult
  5. Strategies for healing from domestic abuse
  6. How to spot red flags when dating
  7. What causes narcissistic rage?
  8. Mental illness - No excuse for abuse
  9. Short film on gaslighting
  10. Why people abuse
  11. Do narcissists know what they're doing?
  12. Why boundaries don't work on narcissists
  13. I profile psychopaths
  14. Coercive control 
  15. Narcissistic abuse documentary
  16. Narcissists and the power of boundaries
  17. Beyond narcissism
  18. The false self
  19. Dangers of emotionally abusive relationships 
  20. How narcissists drive you to psychosis
  21. Run if they say this  
  22. A conversation with Lundy Bancroft
  23. Abuse expert lists 10 faces of abusive men
  24. Its time - Lundy Bancroft
  25. Why "narcissistic abuse" label, and not just "abuse"?
  26. Destroy the narcissist in court
  27. The trauma in narcissistic abuse 
  28. Early red flags of abuse
  29. How to expose the narcissist for who they are
  30. 13 signs you're dating a "nice guy" narcissist
  31. Narcissistic abuse always progresses to violence
  32. Why does he do that?
  33. Narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, trauma and ptsd
  34. Breaking free from a narcissist 
  35. Signs you were raised by narcissistic parents
  36. Psychopaths & Narcissists
  37. Lundy Bancroft - part 1
  38. Everything you need to know about narcissism
  39. 'AuDHD' puts you at extreme risk (late diagnosis)
  40. Signs you're dealing with a narcissist 
  41. The mentality of an abuser
  42. Why narcissists feel empty inside
  43. Borderline abuse vs Narcissistic abuse
  44. Trauma alone doesn't cause narcissism
  45. Why does he do that?
  46. Stop being the "nice girl"
  47. I catch psychopaths for a living
  48. Narcissism expert
  49. Latest on BPD
  50. Say these exact words to a narcissist
  51. Don't argue or fight with a narcissist 
  52. Advocating for survivors of domestic abuse
  53. Coercive control and domestic violence
  54. 5 mind games narcissists play
  55. 10 ways to spot and deal with a narcissist 
  56. The hidden dangers of high functioning predators
  57. Running with a covert narcissist
  58. Why god placed you in a narcissists life
  59. How to master your ADHD
  60. How to document coercive control
  61. Convicted abusers reflect on their violent behavior 
  62. Lundy Bancroft - part 7 Domestic violence in popular culture
  63. Why abuse victims take the blame and don't leave
  64. Borderline false self unlike narcissism
  65. Receive baptism of the holy spirit 
  66. Hear what was shown to me in heaven
  67. Don't waste another minute talking
  68. True colors are coming out 
  69. God is fast forwarding your influence
  70. 222 Anointing
All of these videos appeared on my feed, one after the other. Flooded. There's no other explanation. 

It was my prayer, answered. Currently I'm experiencing PTSD from over 20 years of domestic abuse.




 I think my abuser has made me believe (coercive control / gaslight) that he's the one who is the victim... That I'm the crazy one, because of my childhood. If I am to take these messages seriously, then God is revealing my autism. I have suspected this, but have not been officially diagnosed. As well as BPD. In these videos there are a few links regarding this. Again, it's something I have suspected but have never been diagnosed. When the Lord first saved me, He chased away demons that were tormenting my mind and my body. But thats a blog for another post. 

I am no longer doubting what God is revealing to me. He has been trying to get me to open my eyes to this truth for a VERY LONG TIME. 

Our Lord never leaves us, nor forsakes us. I pray for healing for myself and my children by the mercy and the grace of God, as He sees fit for us. 

🙏
I praise and worship you, Jesus. 









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