Hollywood REVIVAL

 I have been copying, mimicking and acting like Madonna, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and many other stars all of my life. From as far back as I can remember. Even Boy George, who, back in the 80s was, in my opinion, beautiful and feminine and colorful and lovely. I was going to marry him!

I wore bright red head scarves tied to my ponytails, I ripped my clothes, I chose trends over comfort. Not only did I dress like them, I studied their music videos and I copied their mannerisms, their movements. I studied them really well - in my 20s I mimicked Britney so well that people started calling me Britney. Suddenly lyrics to songs became my beliefs. I was slowly disappearing into a fantasy world, so completely and with the level of hyperfixation that's known in the Autistic world, combined with psychosis and the level of false beliefs that's known in the world of schizophrenia. 

This is what can happen to a traumatized undiagnosed autistic child. Echolalia of song lyrics, and movie scripts soon become embedded in the mind, accents are replicated at the drop of a hat. We LOSE ourselves, and we try to fit into a society that's toxic by becoming who the world idolizes. Music and movies became my special interest, and stole my identity entirely. 

I had lost myself completely. The lack of awareness of my autism, the abuse from my mentally ill mother, the narcissistic indoctrination/control from both my parents as well as society in general, the neglect, my attempt at survival, the schooling system, the isolation and desperation, the sexual abuse, the worldly sexual obsession, the need for love and acceptance, the feeling of alienation and misunderstanding, the trying to conform to worldly goals and standards, the abusive verbiage and rejection from boys, the lack of protection from my own father, the feeling of fear and unsafety, had me hating myself and therefore repressing myself.

All of this was because I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was looking to be accepted. Looking to be saved. Looking for comfort. Looking for validation. Looking to fit in. Looking for protection. Looking for belonging. Looking for happiness. Looking for my Prince Charming, and my Happily Ever After. Literally. From a world who was never designed to ever see me in the first place. 

No amount of food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sex, music, movies, money or things was ever going to fill the giant void that I felt inside my heart. I was done looking in all the wrong places! 

There's only one person who walked the face of the earth who would EVER know me, understand me, care for me, and save me in a way that would have any lasting change, and true transformation. I had ignored Him for 46 years. I had never known Him. And yet... When I turned to Him, for the very first time in my life I felt SEEN. LOVED. HELD. The void inside of me filled up completely. Jesus showed me what my life could feel like if I turned everything over to Him. It's taken me a few years of hardships, heartache, struggles, shiftings and changes, along with denial that He would choose me, along with disbelief and battles with mental illness... But I'm learning. I'm learning to ignore the world, and all of the things that Satan has convinced us is important. There's only one thing worth living for. Jesus.

**********

The following message is from Mike, at We Are The Saints and it resonated with me, who once was infatuated and completely obsessed with Hollywood, but who now realizes Hollywood as a place that's become overtaken by all things wicked. GOD SAYS IT'S NOT TOO LATE...

Imagine being the person who He's talking about, reading this message, and feeling that elation, knowing that the real, true change that you are capable of making in this world by turning your life over to Jesus is going to be absolutely monumental. A revival that's going to be so impactful, that finally, after years and years of heartfelt longing to be who Michael Jackson meant when he sang HEAL the world, you realize it can be you! But not you alone. You, and Jesus Christ. A duo that will exceed your wildest expectations, and your only real chance at a lasting revival - one that this generation truly needs! 

**********

"Whoever it is that's going to come across this video, whether you're a celebrity or not, I want you to know that it's incredibly important for Jesus to speak to your heart. He's really talking to you now. 

He really wants you to know how much He loves you. He wants YOU to commit yourself to Him. You don't need a pastor or a priest. You don't have to go to a church. You can do it in your car. You can do it at home. Just be by yourself. Call out to Jesus. Express your sorrow to Him. Tell Him you're sorry, if that's what it takes, if that's part of it. Ask Him to forgive you. Whatever the issue is, whatever happened, share it with Him. 

Then you will start living your purpose, because you've been going around purposeless. You feel like you don't know what you're doing, bouncing around. 

Part of this message is for someone who has been bouncing from relationship to relationship to relationship to relationship, because you're trying to find that innocence and purity of love. For someone to love you unconditionally. For the sake of pure love. You've had all the right intentions, but you've been looking for it in all the wrong places. 

The person you've been looking for is Jesus. That's your true love. 

You've been looking for it in all kinds of relationships, and you can't find it. That's why you're bouncing from relationship to relationship. 

Jesus says : come to me, and you will be fulfilled. You'll have that lasting peace and love that only I can give. That's what you're looking for. Me.

Yeshua."

**********

https://youtu.be/WCOpUKhtvvg?si=txYjHs9Gl_KidwsI

Disney darkness EXPOSED

https://www.youtube.com/live/hP5lIm6ARm0?si=XgvWHAXL8do-4EGn



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My answered prayer : It's Narcissistic abuse

Image
 I was on my Sunday walk, when I prayed a prayer that God answered. The way that He works is miraculous. God is indeed so good. Even when He delivers messages to us that we have been too fearful to see.  Honestly, knowing that the living God sees and hears me, wants relationship with me, cares about me... Its hard to digest. But I know the truth. I know He lives inside of my heart, and I inside of His. I know that He's the one leading me down a path of righteousness. It's all Him. I know that He's available to all who seek Him. It's not just me, I don't think of myself as the "only one" . I think of myself as the "willing one".  My prayer, on this particular Sunday was full of sadness, despair, pain. I journalled it: I prayed to the Lord and I broke down in tears. I felt so sad, lonely, heartbroken, scared, alone, confused, hurt, misunderstood, ignored, left for dead. I cried out to God, asking for help. When I got home from my walk, I opened my...
Read more

Why am I a woman?

Image
I feel like I don't know why God created women.  Was it for us to keep quiet and produce children?  Then when we have children, was it to take care of them without any guidance or support? To stay slim and pretty and grateful for what man calls love, but God calls abuse?  Men seem to be the head and women the tail.  Why is God a man... And why did he create women if He, Himself, needs no woman. All this makes no sense and I don't know HOW to be the woman He wants. I just want people to be more GENTLE. Everyone in my life has been so hard, strong, unemotional, men who take what they want, and do what they want, and speak how they want.  I used to fantasize about being with women. I think it was my longing for kindness, gentleness - a mother figure. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. While it may be a sin, its because I didn't enjoy the harshness of men. My own mind believed that men should be more feminine. I believe this is trauma related, due to a ...
Read more