I'm not like other girls

The mirror

By the end of the relationship you realize that you have morphed into the version of yourself that they like the most.

You've become a miniature version of them. 

You're lost. 

It happened so gradually that nobody noticed. Not even you. 

He wore you down. He won. 

Until you woke up to the truth. That's when all hell broke loose, when he began unraveling, when he started to fear that you were onto him. That's when he started to panic, and he devised a plan to make you seem crazy. In this life, this is the game of the narcissist. It's insidious. 

It was meant to take me out. But guess what. I'm still here. 

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

"He leads me in paths of righteousness" (Psalm 23:2)

Mysogyny sounds like:

I'm not like other girls. 👭

... Truth bomb... 💣

You're not special, you've been brainwashed to believe that you're cool... But it's a hatred of women in disguise. It's a hatred and rejection of yourself. It's there, it's just subconscious. I pray that you see it sooner rather than later. 

... I'm different. I'm special. He will never treat me like that. I'm not like them... These beliefs have been indoctrinated into your mind over time because you were made to believe that being your true self was unsafe. 

You were BULLIED as a child. 🫂

Please know that I hear you. I see you. I was you. 

There was never any JUSTICE served. You're left feeling unloved, uncared for, invisible. You cannot show people this side of you, for fear of being bullied again. It hurts. It feels like death. 

You've rejected and abandoned yourself. 

I want you to know that it's going to be OK. 

You are not alone, even though it feels like it. 

This awakening is scary. 

You feel like a stranger to yourself, and the younger version of you is trying desperately to fit in, fix them, please them.... But you're tired and you're failing. 

Get onto your knees. 

Pray to the living God. 

Ask Him to show you the truth. 

He LOVES you. 

He sees you. 

He knows you intimately. 

In my walk with Him... Its been so messy.

I have been in denial, inside a trauma coma, suffering PTSD, for years, because I was so deeply enmeshed and entangled with his brain. One thread at a time, I untangled myself. Was this him or me? What part was me? Who was I in that situation? Where did my boundaries go? Where were my own beliefs? 

Slowly, slowly, the brain begins to heal and restore itself. 

Cognitive distortions, and dissonance. 

Soul fragmentation. 

All of this is what it feels like to try free yourself from a cult. Yes, it's that bad. 

Next time someone tells you they've been in a narcissistic trauma bond... I beg you to offer help in any and every way that you can. 

This person is SUFFERING beyond your understanding. 

They've been in literal hell, with real demons. 

They've been brainwashed. This means that they've been coercively controlled to act in ways that are harmful to their own soul. They have been forced to hurt the people they love in order to please their abuser. You can't shake them out of this. It's mind control. It's how cults trap their victims, and it's why victims believe they chose it. 

Telling victims to "just move on" without offering them support and help - is barbaric. 

They ARE shells. They ARE empty. 

But it's because there's no true compassion or understanding out there for them, so they stay in shock. In disbelief. The narcissist keeps at it. He keeps going. He acts like you're crazy. And the very people you believed were there to support you, to help you, to hear you, to see you, are either in their own narcissistic relationships, or are still friends with your abuser. And that makes you sick.