Narcissism = MYSOGYNY

Why didn't she LEAVE? ❌

WHY DID HE CHOOSE TO ABUSE HER? ✅

Make sure you're asking the right questions. 

**********

"Abusive men don't marry for love. They marry for control.

Access. Emotional labor. Spicy time. Somebody to clean up his messes. Literally and emotionally.

There's no kindness, safety or care. They resent women.

They don't see her as a partner or a person. They see her as a role or a tool. To these men, marriage is about being served. Mysogyny isn't hatred of women... It's a BELIEF SYSTEM. It's a world view that says women are LESS. Less rational. Less capable. Less worthy of power. Less worthy of respect. Example: she's too emotional. She can't take a joke. She's so hormonal."

How do I know this? 

This belief was trapped in my own subconscious belief system... I had been brainwashed to believe it myself, and I am a woman! 

The reason I stayed in an abusive marriage for so long? It felt like home. It's how I was raised. My parents, society, pop culture, school, peers... Its everywhere!! 

His exes were all crazy. His jokes about women were sexist. He judged women based on their level of hotness. He mansplains. He's highly critical of anything women do unless it serves him. He's made plenty of women cry, and he's insulted women to their face. He's overly nice to pretty women. Sound familiar??? 

Many women are socialized to accept this from men.

I was hyper aware of the behaviour of men because I, as a weird and strange autistic girl, had to learn what they liked, what they disliked... Because I was indoctrinated with the belief that there was something wrong with me and therefore I didn't believe I could be myself, and I had to have a man in my life because I was a weak and pathetic girl who did nothing right. I catered to his needs. I was compliant and I became all versions of what he wanted, what society wanted from women. I did whatever it took to GET MARRIED. My authentic self was repressed and suppressed because my upbringing taught me to be LESS ME. I was sxly assaulted and this cemented into my belief system the fact that men are powerful, and my NO means nothing. So I learned to become 2 seperate versions of myself. I learned to stay "in demand" by copying popstars and actresses.

Until finally, at age 46, I had a complete breakdown as I entered into a state of psychosis.

I broke.

My psyche broke.

As a human being I was being treated like an object. 

For the very first time in my life I felt like I had a right to say no. I had a right to my own thoughts. I had a right to accept my body exactly as it was. I had a right to not wear makeup. I had a right to not want to be HOT. I had a right to decline his advances. I had a right to wear baggy clothing. I had a right to RELAX. I had a right to BE MYSELF.... to not feel scared of abandonment or rejection. 

I found God that day. 

I have (God has) transformed my entire belief system, thank you Jesus. 

As an autistic woman who hypersexualized herself for over 30 years... I worry that there's others out there who are being taken advantage of by coercive controlling, abusive, mysogynistic men. No matter how "cool" you try to be... The goalpost will shift. 

Eventually you will realize that the reason you were chosen by him... Is because of the amount you idolized him. Your willingness to please him. Your desire to be needed and wanted by him..... 

And when you begin to see yourself as a whole person WITHOUT him... That's when you know you've healed. Autistic people have - for the most part - felt a deep level of rejection, from society AND from self. This = easy target for abuse, unfortunately. When I was shown this, my world crumbled. I wanted to die. I had wasted my entire life trying to be who I'm not... Trying to please an abuser. 

Slowly..... Slowly..... Slowly...... I'm coming out of the disassociation. 

Thank you for this video:

Why abusive men really get married

https://youtu.be/eCD0lf2F-Vc?si=f7yudAS1TcX4qRlo

To women trapped in these relationships... I promise you, he's not going to change for you. This isn't Dirty Dancing or Grease or Cinderella. He's not your prince charming. You don't need him to validate you or to complete you. Look into LIMERANCE.

Know that it's OK for you to relax, and be your authentic self.... EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS!

I have been (God has been) undoing my old self and my old beliefs and my old thoughts and my old identity.... And I had absolutely lost myself. Completely. It felt so scary. My brain had been so traumatized I couldnt remember to eat. I went down to 40kgs. All I could do was play Bible verses on my phone and try to sleep. Cognitive dissonance for over a year while I prayed for wisdom and I was led to research autism, schizophrenia, narcissism, coercive control, domestic violence, sexual abuse, Child abuse, and childhood trauma.

Please know that you are a worthy human being, and I'm truly sorry that you were coerced to believe otherwise. It's cult level persuasion, so don't feel ashamed. 

Whoever you are... I feel your pain. You might not believe this, but God knows what you are going through. This wasn't His will for your life. I know this, because it's what He's been showing me, too. I came into agreement with these demons, and it started in childhood. He wants to help you be free. He wants to show you real love. I pray that you cry out to Him. I pray that you turn to him. Repent... Change your beliefs and choose Jesus. He's real. He exists today, as He did then. I know this with ALL OF MY HEART.