Soul fragmentation

Soul fragmentation... This is what happened to me. Part of myself was stuck at 12. 

After God revealed this to me, I felt completely whole. I felt like I was healed. I felt like I had woken up from a coma. 

But... Reality set in and being married to a man with NPD had me retraumatized, I suddenly realized that whole, healed me HATED the choices I had made, the brainwashed me had chosen everything opposite to what the healed version of me would have chosen. The coma that I woke up from soon became a nightmare... When I realized who I had become while I was unconsciously living my life. 

I lost my authenticity again! and my "being" felt partly like I escaped again. I ran away in fear. Just like I did when I was 12 years old. Part of me hates who part of me became. Now I'm trying to heal, trying to regain trust, trying to integrate all of me. I'm trying to right my wrongs in order for all of me to come back. To be my own safe place, my own protector... Thanks to the help and guidance of Jesus. 

 Here's a video By Evangelist Jordan who has the right words for this:

https://youtu.be/TuF3qNeLMn8?si=PWDj4KR92lDr9yzX

Dissociative identity disorder is a mental health condition where you have 2 or more personalities or identities. Having 2 or more seperate identity states. Those personalities or states might come out of a person in different moments depending on the situation or depending on how they feel. 

They might even have different names or behaviors that come out at different moments. So dissociated, being dissociated, when you are in a dissociative state it means you are disconnected from who you truly are. Part of you is completely gone and somewhere else. 

When you go through traumatic experiences your soul ends up being split or fragmented. Those demons now get to live through you. They get to live out their demonic expression. They end up creating this identity based off of the trauma that you've been through. This is designed to disconnect you from who you are, and from God. 

Double-mindedness. Everyone thinks it's just a spirit, which, there is a spirit of Double-mindedness. But, when it comes to healing someone from double mindedness, we have to go deeper and we have to be truly informed on this topic. 

Its not just a spirit. 

If you're double minded you have 2 different opinions. First you think like this, now you think like that. 

**pause here for a personal account** : I wanted to feel like I was enough, as I was. I wanted my husband to want only me. I wanted him to turn down any flirtations from other women. BUT because I had been raised by a father, a society, a neighborhood that supported the patriarchy, the OTHER VERSION OF ME downplayed my "selfish desires to be enough on my own" - which created inside me a double mind. I argued with myself over and over. I ended up in tears. Caving in, and then joining my husband in a desire to flirt or be flirted with. My very own demons in my head tormented me, causing me to reject myself. It was torture. I know now that this was due to my rejection of my autistic self. The Autistic self hated my Bully self, and vice versa. I was AT WAR WITH MY OWN MIND as to who I was, and what I really wanted. Being raised by a schizophrenic mother who was also narcissistic added to my mental confusion and self hatred. She confused me to the point of insanity. My father's lack of care and his mistreatment of my mother added to this, me being Raped and not getting acknowledged... I was a danger to myself! 

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Its like you're battling between 2 identities when you're in dissociation. Now, if we look at the word "double minded" :

The Hebrew word is dipsucos. Meaning having 2 souls. 

How can a person have 2 souls? This goes back to having a split personality. Or having 2 seperate personalities or identities. 

This goes back to my point on soul fragmentation. When you go through pain, when you go through trauma and abuse as a child, when you've had these experiences your whole life it literally can split one's soul in 2.

When somebody deals with a great level of abuse, a lot of times what happens is there's a part of them that goes away and tries to hide. 

Scientifically and psychologically when you go through violence, when you go through sexual violation, the human mind was not meant to deal with things like this. 

The human mind can't cope with things like this. 

What the mind has to do is create an identity to cope with what they've been through. 

A lot of times this is where people end up violent, aggressive, creating an identity that tries to manipulate other people to see them a certain way. They create an identity to try prove themselves to other people. To try get admiration and praise from other people. Because there's something that they have to do to escape from what they've been through. They end up creating this personality or creating an image or identity to try to cope with what they've been through. This is where the split personalities come in. This is where the alternate identities come in. This person literally can have 2 souls because their soul has been fragmented. 

The problem is in mental health and psychology / psychiatry they want to listen to your problems and prescribe medication and give you a diagnosis of all different things. Paranoid. Schizophrenic. Dissociative identity disorder. Split personality. All of this can be true, but they just want to medicate you. 

This is the problem when you live in a world, in a society that doesn't want to deal with the core root cause of the issue. They don't actually want you to be healed. They want to put you on medication that will keep you like a zombie. This medication will deal with some of the symptoms but it keeps you sick over time. Or it gives you other symptoms and other side effects. Years later people end up with all kinds of health issues because of these medications. A lot of these people have been uninformed. When you go to doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, they look at you like you're crazy and they want to put you on medication but they want to completely ignore and neglect where this comes from. Because if you start talking about spiritual warfare, and trauma, and how demons and evil spirits can literally attach themselves to you through your trauma, they want to ignore that stuff. Then when you start talking about UT, they will look at you like you're more crazy. 

Now they want to go as far as putting you in a mental hospital. A lot of people who have these issues started off as very very normal and very loving human beings. These people - they're not crazy but they're crazy - it really does create mental illness and insanity - but it's not just because the person themselves is crazy. It's because they've been traumatized, they've been abused. Maybe some of these people have been trafficked, they've been in domestic violent situations, they grew up being abused, so now you can't expect these people to be the same anymore. Because we have not been informed of their root causes. You can take the most mentally stable person, and if you put them through some of the things these people have been through, they would be mentally unstable too. 

What I don't like about a lot of deliverance Ministries is when they feel the pain that these people have been through, and some of these people have never had anybody care about what they've been through, they've never had somebody who actually truly cared to listen to what they've been through. They've never felt seen, they've never felt heard, so on top of everything they've been through, they have everybody else acting like what they've been through didn't happen, or they say they're delusional, or they don't care about what they've been through. That actually adds so much weight to the trauma that they went through. That ends up driving them even more crazy. Now they don't trust anybody. Now they really have to keep their guard and their tough exterior up. Which goes back to pride and alter ego's. 

A lot of deliverance ministers say things like "you're angry and offended, and you have to let it go". 

Have you been through what this person has been through? When somebody has never been heard and they just want to feel seen, loved, and valued, the first thing to say isn't that they're just angry and offended, let it go. That's actually very ignorant. Some of these people need extra love. Extra care.

When this persons soul has been split in 2 and they've gone  through all that abuse, it's not just a matter of "spirit of offense, come out in Jesus name" 

Yes, we do deal with spiritual wickedness in high places, the Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers, but when you are doing deliverance on a person you have to understand that yes, you are dealing with a spirit but you are dealing with a person as well. 

There's a piece of that person that has not been healed and is trying to hide because it's afraid of being vulnerable. 

So if you just preach to them, you're making them not want to open up to anyone. They need to hear "I love you, I'm sorry for what you've been through, I care about what you've been through, I see you. I understand you. I'm here for you." 

Yes, they need to practice forgiveness, but we have to create an environment where they feel SAFE and SECURE so that the side of them that they're trying to hide can be vulnerable and be seen. Where they're not going to get judged or mocked or persecuted for what they've been through, or like what they've been through didn't happen. 

Going about it like that makes it a lot easier for the person to let go of the offense, and let go of the anger. 

To actually heal and deliver people like this, it's not just a matter of "spirit of double mindedness come out in Jesus name". It's putting the love in the person of christ Jesus on that person's soul. Putting the love of Christ on that person's wounds to bring healing and wholeness to that person. To make them feel like they can come back to themselves and the false identity that they're created can come down, and they can truly come into who they are in Christ Jesus. 

Once those soul wounds are healed, once you've put love on that person's wounds, the spirit will leave. Because if those persons soul wounds are healed, now those demons of double mindedness and offense and unforgiveness and bitterness and anger no longer have the legal right to come back and possess that person or work through that person. 

I believe in deliverance ministry, if you're someone who casts out demons, if you're in deliverance ministry, we need to be informed. Being harsh might not get the result we want. They might not be fully delivered. It's not just a matter of casting out a spirit, but there's certain broken places in their soul that needs love and care. 

It then must come with biblical teaching, meditating on the word of God, receiving counseling and being discipled. They need to be in a community of believers that are counselling and discipling them into their true identity and purpose in Christ Jesus. 

Amen.